"Containing Hatred"

Today was a test of the person God is making me. I had someone get me really fired up.  I think it is because I truly cared for this person more than even they knew and at every oppurtunity they get...they say hurtful things to me...or just act like I never had any meaning....which I now know is a true statement.  It hurt me pretty bad and after the hurt came this enveloping of hatred feelings.  The feeling of hate was so powerful...I found myself saying things against them. I know now that this person is of less meaning to me and it's time to just let go of any caring feelings I ever had and move past it. But nevertheless, I still am filled with hurt feelings because the pain it brought me...allowed me to see I cared much more than even I knew.  It was just a learning lesson to me.  .  I have to let it go or it will consume me. I have great regrets, but that is something I will have to live with and I am the only one to blame.  I am glad this happened because it taught me to guard my heart fiercely and to never let someone have that much of my energy... It was also satan testing me as well ,to see how much he can rowl me up with anger. I've been getting tested alot with my anger, because I use to be a very angry person. Satan uses my anger to oppose me to God because hatred is completely unacceptable to him.  He almost won, because if I would have been face to face with this person or even on the phone...it would have turned very ugly and very vicious.  I can be vicious and I attack quick with my words. I have to learn how to contain my hatred or else be consumed by it.  When you are consumed by a feeling or emotion....it has control over you.  I say to all that read this....never give someone so much of your energy that one word said can change your whole attitude or affect your emotions to the point of feeling hateful feelings. A great scripture from the bible comes to mind....."Be Quick to Listen and Slow to Speak, Slow to anger" (James 1:19) This scripture simply means.. "Quick to listen"- Always really listen to what a person is saying.. even if what they say may be hurtful...is it coming from trials in their life...is it from their own unhappiness? You never know so listen to what place their words are coming from. "Slow to Speak" means- Always think before you open your mouth.  If someone says something to you that you don't like be careful not to strike back with harsh words...for harsh words can never be taken back. "Slow to Anger"....never let someone have so much of your energy that you become full of anger cause anger will lead to un-thoughout words spoken.. I had to take that approach.  If I wouldn't have relied on God before I responded, I would have spoke really harsh words..said hateful things..Things unpleasing to the God in me. Always be mindful of what is released from your lips if something you feel as defensive is spoken to you. Be careful in whom you surround yourselves around and always guard your heart...no matter how much that person might touch you- No matter how much you think you may know about them.   The best way to describe this experience I had is...... a wolf in sheeps clothing (I thought I had a good perception of this person's character).  From the outer exterior everythings looks nice but that is not at all who this person is...they are a wolf that will devour anyone...doesnt matter if they are a good person or a caring person...we always have to remember a wolf has no feelings...They just search out prey and destroy them.  Once again.....an example of a good person who once knew God....Lost to the grasps of satan's hold...soon to be consumed with Evil.......